For both the partner making the introduction and the introducee, there’s the fear that the family will deem the new love interest unloveable and depending on how close the bond between parent and child, the relationship could come to a grinding halt.

So here are our top five tips for meeting the parents:

1. Dress to impress

Unless your new beau has pre-warned you his family are Hell’s Angels, err on conservative side. Save your cleavage for later and opt for simple, understated attire that’s not too flashy or garish. Gents, polish those shoes and iron that shirt. And one would hope we don’t have to say it but, please, brush your hair and teeth. Death breath is not the way into your girlfriend’s mother’s heart.

2. Be polite and punctual

Don’t keep the folks waiting and once you arrive, remember that manners are your best friend. Fellas, grab the door for your lady and pull out her chair at dinner. If you can do the same for her mum, you’ll win more than one heart.

3. Listen

And I mean really listen. Don’t just wait for a break in the conversation so you can talk. Listen to what your partner or their parents are saying and ask questions. The same approach that works in a date situation will work like a charm but keep the flirtatiousness to a minimum. You don’t want him to think you’re making moves on his dad and his black Amex.

4. Follow their lead

When it comes to pubic displays of affection in the company of your potential in-laws, follow the lead of your partner. They know their family well enough to show you what’s appropriate. Same goes for paying the bill at the end of dinner although it’s always polite to offer.

5. Relax

Your partner obviously thinks you’re good enough to meet their folks so relax and be your usual charming self. Of course, if your usual charming self is an obnoxious drunk, best to avoid the drink and not relax too much.

Anne Milford and Jennifer Gauvain tell us what to do when our friend is dating a loser, drunk, cheat, etc.

We can’t go anywhere without someone asking us, “How can I tell my friend-daughter-sister-niece-cousin she is dating the wrong guy?” Here’s an example of an email from a woman who was panicked about her sister’s upcoming wedding:

My sister Katie has lost her mind! She’s engaged to a total loser and is about to make the biggest mistake of her life. She’s a brilliant researcher, a talented musician, and a wonderful friend. Her fiancé is out of work and has no ambition. Katie does everything for him. She cooks, she cleans, and she pays his bills while he sits around playing video games all day. I have shared my concerns, but she says she loves him and that I simply don’t understand what a great guy he is.

Katie’s response is typical. Women put their blinders on when it comes to men and shut out their friends’ comments and concerns.

Unfortunately, most women feel that they shouldn’t speak up. They’ve been burned when they tried to help before, and they don’t want to get burned again. We disagree. You must say something. You owe it to your friend or loved one.

We are a community of women, and we need to be real and honest with one another. If you are a mother concerned about your daughter, the same is true for you. If you saw your daughter trapped in a speeding car headed for a cliff, would you stand by and watch hoping and praying things would work out for her? Of course not! Think of her relationship as that speeding car. You must do everything within your power to stop her from crashing. Whether you are a friend or a relative, here are your options:

Option 1: Don’t say anything.

Result: You now have a not-so-real friendship because you have to pretend to be supportive of her choice in a husband. You make excuses for not wanting to spend time with them because he makes your skin crawl. You slowly drift apart, and the very thing you were trying to avoid (losing her as a friend) happens anyway.

Option 2: Tell her your concerns in a caring and compassionate way. What do you have to lose? Your friendship has already been impacted; just look at Option 1. Give her a little bit of credit, too. Don’t just assume she is going to drop you if you share how you really feel. What if it actually has the opposite effect? What if she were desperately waiting for someone to give her permission to call it off?

Here’s how to have that difficult conversation. By approaching the conversation in this way, you might have a better chance of actually being heard.

Five Things You Can Do to Help Her See the Light

1. Speak up.
There is a good chance your friend will ignore you (or, even worse, end your friendship), but you owe it to her to say something. Yes, she might get defensive, or it may damage your friendship. But think about it this way – if she does end up marrying the wrong guy, your friendship will most likely be impacted anyway. Who wants to hang out with an unemployed video game addict?

2. Validate, then activate.
It’s easier to see the truth from a position of strength rather than weakness. Start off by pointing out some of her best qualities. For example, “I have always admired your compassion for others; you deserve to be treated the same way.” Start with a compliment, and she may be more receptive to what you are telling her.

3. Be nonjudgmental.
You understand your friend’s strengths and weaknesses. Avoid pushing her buttons. Try to sit down with her and share your concerns in a way that does not come across as judgmental. Don’t say, “We can’t believe you are going to throw your life away by marrying this idiot.” Instead, you can say, “It’s difficult for me to be honest with you because I am afraid it might damage our friendship.” This may give her permission to be honest with herself and open the door for further communication.

4. Shift the focus to you by using “I” statements.
We use this approach a lot in therapy, and it is a wonderful tool for defusing difficult conversations. Frame your concerns by starting with “I.” For example: “I feel so uncomfortable when he puts you down and calls you names.” Or say, “I really worry about how isolated you have become since your engagement.” She is much less likely to become defensive with this approach than if you tell her, “You are dating a jackass!”

5. Offer concrete help.
Help your friend by eliminating any excuses she has for not ending the relationship. For example, if she is living with her boyfriend, invite her to stay with you for a few days. Tell her you will help her find a new place, and call in the troops to help her pack and move. If wedding plans are under way, tell her that you will cancel the party while she cancels the relationship. Lifting these practical burdens may be all she needs to send her boyfriend packing.

Marriage and family therapist Jennifer Gauvain and Anne Milford are co-authors of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? For more information visit their website at coldfeetpress.com. Pick up a copy here.

My friend Jincey dated a guy who was 38 years old and lived with his mother. “I knew that was a red flag, but I ignored it,” she says.  “One night, not too long after we started dating, we went back to his mum’s house to watch TV. He stripped down totally naked and sat on the couch. His mum brought us snacks and he just sat there. She cleaned up and ignored the fact he was naked. He must have done it all the time!”

So what’s wrong with watching TV naked? Jincey said it all boiled down to his child-like dependence on his mother. Guess what? She married him anyway and it didn’t end well. “He could barely take care of himself and was terrible with money. He had a hard time keeping a job.  He was sweet, but so irresponsible. He didn’t want a wife, he wanted another mummy.”

She would have saved herself a lot of heartache—and money—if she had paid attention to the irresponsibility red flag that was flying from the very beginning. “I just wanted the relationship to work out,” says Jincey. “I was tired of being alone.”

The other often misunderstood fact about red flags is that they are different for everyone. Jealousy, meanness, and avoidance are common red flags. And while it’s important to be aware of these potential issues, a one-size-fits-all list doesn’t address your gut feelings. A-life-of the-party-girl may see extreme shyness as a red flag in a potential mate. Or a sports fanatic female may be turned off by a guy who dislikes sports. Everyone is different.

So how do you know what a red flag is for you? Pay attention to your gut feelings or the little voice in your head that points out potential problems in your relationship.

Katie, a 27 year old teacher, confesses that she is stuck in a relationship with the wrong guy. “He sees the world as a sea of options and has a hard time deciding what he wants to do,” she says. “Then, when he decides on something, he has a hard time sticking with it. That’s a red flag to me. And my gut questions his ability to help any family we might have someday. He also seems to care more about his adventures and his life than he does my own. It makes me think that he won’t be there for the important milestones in my life.” Katie’s inner wisdom recognizes these red flags. Let’s hope she can find the courage to take action.

Here are some things to think about to make sure you can recognize red flags, and more importantly, not ignore them:

• When his behavior bothers you, pay attention. Is the little voice in your head trying to warn you about something?  Don’t look the other way! Think about the behavior that concerns you and reflect on it.

• Ask yourself if you are changing your behavior in response to your boyfriend or partner’s behavior. Are you walking on egg shells? Are you avoiding difficult conversations? If you do try to talk about something, how does he react?

• Fast forward ten years. How will this particular behavior or attitude play out in the future? Will he be a good Dad? A good friend? A solid employee? A reliable husband?

When it comes to red flags, what you see now is what you get later. Once you train yourself to recognize—and act on—the red flags in your relationships, you are on your way to a happier, more satisfying life. The choice is yours!

Marriage and family therapist Jennifer Gauvain is the co-author of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? For more information visit her website at coldfeetpress.com. Pick up a copy here.

Read all about it at www.datesnearme.com.

Step 1 – The Virtual Cleanse

Do you want to see every girl he friends on Facebook, be forced to endure the change of her relationship status to “single” or ponder over suggestive wall postings from total strangers? No ma’am. That’s why you need to de-friend your now ex-friend. Do it now before you are overcome by the urge to Facebook stalk every member of the opposite sex on their friends list. This rule also applies for Twitter, MySpace and any other online platforms the pair of you have corresponded via.

Step 2 –  Delete delete delete

You’re going to thank me for this one when you wake up with a splitting hangover after your consolatory night out with your pals. Delete your ex’s phone number. Delete all of your recent call history. Delete all sent and received text messages. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, memorise or write the number down. This will only result in excruciatingly embarrassing late night communications you will later wish you never instigated. Take it from someone who’s been there. Delete delete delete. The added bonus here is the pleasure you will get when your ex does text and you have no idea who the number belongs to. There is no more satisfying a text than the old chestnut, “Sorry, but who is this?”

Step 3 – Avoid

Stay away from his favourite pub. Avoid her local coffee shop. Fight the urge to drive past your ex’s house or go to see his friend’s band playing. This is dating detox, remember? In order to clean out your system, you need to stay away from these toxins.

Step 4 –  Such junk

You know the movie ticket stub from your Hot Tub Time Machine date that was more like Hot Make Out In the Back Row? It’s gotta go. The hideous stuffed toy he gave you on your one month anniversary – gone as well. Anything that even remotely reminds you of your past love affair needs to be adios-ed asap. They do it in movies. Get a box and fill it with his or her stuff. Then burn it. Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme.

So now you’re done taking out the trash. It’s time to recollect your thoughts and focus on yourself for a little while. If your ego copped a bashing, build up your confidence to get back out there. And when you do, be glad we had this talk. No one wants to explain to their new love interest why they have tattered U2 concert tickets and a love post-it note from their ex stuck to their fridge. It’s a total mood killer.

I realized after fixing my butane button issue that hearing the words, “Here’s what you’re doing wrong” is enough to make anyone stop in their tracks and pay attention. This isn’t easy for me to do that for you: I’m a dating optimist. My book Meeting Your Half-Orange is all about loving who you are and being authentically, gloriously happy in your own skin while you focus all your energy on how you want to feel in your ideal relationship. Which is to say I believe every single person is uniquely awesome and that you’re not doing anything wrong.

But if you’re killing yourself trying to come up with the end-all reason for why you’re still frustratingly single, the fact is, you are doing something wrong. And to be all meta about it, here’s what it is:

What you’re doing wrong is that you’re focusing on what you’re doing wrong.

What you focus on, you see, is everything. And that’s because what you choose to focus on actually affects the neural pathways in your brain, which affects everything from your body language to how you perceive the world and how the world perceives you. The scientific term in play is neuroplasticity. Essentially you can change your brain by thinking more positively, which changes your whole experience with dating.

In other words, if you’re single and focusing on “what you’re doing wrong,” then it’s all you’ll see, and it’s all your brain will store in its implicit memory. So, it’s time to stop the cycle. Today, focus on what’s right—and only what’s right. Just for today, at least, don’t think about how old you are, or how long you’ve been single, or what past boyfriends or girlfriends or spouses have said about you for a minute. That’s all irrelevant. All that matters is who you are right now, this minute. And if you can look at what’s right about your dating life, you can change what ensues from this minute on.

So do this for me: List three things that you’re doing right, right this minute. I’ll give you the blanks and you fill them in with your mind:

1.

2.

3.

Visualize what you’d write in those blank spots—the awesome things you’re doing that are spot-on. Maybe how you’re giving it a shot with dates you’re not 100% on, because you’re open to seeing what might happen. Maybe how you’ve come to love a physical aspect about yourself—a mole, a height, a curve—and will settle for nothing less than a partner who loves you for it. Maybe how you’ve mastered making olive tapenade and can’t wait to show it off.

Fill in those blanks your own way. If you don’t, well, that’s what you’re doing wrong. You owe it to yourself and to your love life to give yourself positive props every single day. The more right you see, the less wrong your life will feel, and the better the energy you’ll be putting out there for your wonderful other half to come find you. It’s an easy fix: pull back the safety and push the right button, and you’ll light the spark you’re working on, too.

This is a guest post from author Amy Spencer. Find out more about her book Meeting Your Half Orange here.

The survey commissioned by Nicabate for World No Tobacco Day also found that two thirds of us find smoking to be a total turn off. So much for the days of the sexy smoker. Looks like its time put that cancer stick down.

So tell us. Would you date a smoker?

Part 3 – Simon’s last stand

In our final installment, Simon goes head to head with the experts before a shock ending to the series.

The Ladies

Here are just a few of my personal favourites.

Try to look past the blatant grammatical error in the hash tag. You can check out the full offering here.

#ThatsWhyYourSingle

A_Valdez_13

#ThatsWhyYourSingle your middle toe is longer than the rest of them!

itskarrybaaby

Your Teeth Look Like An Unsolved Puzzle #thatswhyyoursingle.

therealjwright

On the phone with other dudes in front of ya bf #thatswhyyoursingle

MusikProf

U act like every guys gonna cheat on u #thatswhyyoursingle

Boston Jorge   musikjunke

Cuz u keep listenin to yo lonely ass friend fo relationship advice #ThatsWhyYourSingle

prettybrwndelta

you keep having sex on the 1st date…. #Thatswhyyoursingle

brookerum

ginger. #thatswhyyoursingle

BoredBuddy

Cause u play Dead in the Bed #thatswhyyoursingle

Grandad_BD

Most Of us Don’t know the Meaning of Compromise and Sacrifice #ThatsWhyYourSingle

ZaiFet

Constantly worrying about someone else’s relationship instead of your own #ThatsWhyYourSingle

sAKAred7

You don’t know what you want #thatswhyyoursingle

alahrodriguez

LADIES: still taking the things that some other man did to you out on the new guy? #thatswhyyoursingle

Weigh into the debate with you own reasons here.